How Do I (Incorrectly)...?

[Moonface]

We all need advice sometimes, and normally we expect to be given the correct advice. This game however will be about giving the incorrect advice. How do you screw in that lightbulb? Well, light bulbs get hot when they're being used, so clearly you need to heat your lightbulb up in the microwave to get it nice and hot before you can screw it in. How are you going to use it if it's cold? That would be stupid and get you nowhere.

Or maybe you want to know how to wash your child? Just dump the little shit in the washing machine with a rebreather taped to its face and I'm sure they'll be good to go if you do a gentle wash.

So just ask someone how you should do something, and the next person will tell you incorrectly what to do.

How do I open a bag of chips (crisps for the non-Americans like myself)?

[Maniakkid25]

Step 1: Set bag on surface. The harder, the better, and the lower, the better

Step 2: Climb to surface above bag. The higher, the bettet

Step 3: Elbow Drop the bag.

How do I use a fire extinguisher?

[Moonface]

I've seen this in Hitman so it clearly works. What you need to do is simply throw the fire extinguisher into the fire, and then because you're in America you find someone with a gun to shoot the fire extinguisher and blow it up. Agent 47 uses that method to kill people so I'm sure it can kill a fire too.

How do I preheat my oven?

[ShiraNoMai]

You open the oven, toss a firecracker in, shut the door, and hit the on button. Let the magic happen!

How do I change a lightbulb?

[Moonface]

How do I change a lightbulb?

I answer this in the first post as a freebie and yet it's still not clear to you? Pfft.

Well, I did only cover putting a new bulb in. So before that you gotta get that old bulb out. Just stand on a chair or something and then do a backflip kick to smash that bulb out of there.

How do I start my car?

[Maniakkid25]

Step 1: Get a Sledgehammer. It will be important in a moment.

Step 2: Get in car, and sit.

Step 3: If the car hasn't started at this point, use the Sledgehammer to break open the windows, because the car definitely needs the ventilation from sitting in the sun. The car should start from intimidation.

Step 4: Repeat step 3 on the rest of the car if it hasn't started yet.

How do I fold my laundry?

[Mr EliteL]

Make sure the laundry is dry for best results, but still wet is doable. Take a rolling pin and wrap a piece of laundry loosely around it. Pull the rolling pin out then proceed to beat down the clothing until flat. To save time on a bundle of laundry, do the wrapping with each piece then pile all on top of each other, then beat them all down until flat or use something heavy to do the work. Like a car.

How do I make a sandwich?

[Moonface]

1) Go to the beach.

2) Find something edible like a sea critter swimming about in the water.

3) Grab the edible item, wet it if what you caught was dry, then roll it around on the sand until it's coated.

4) Bon appetit.

How do I wipe my arse?

[ShiraNoMai]

Go to your car, rip off the wiper blades (carefully so you don't break them), have them embedded in your back as back piercings and ta-da! Butt wipers!

How do you remove a stain from a shirt?

[Moonface]

Get a blowtorch, and burn away the area of cloth that is stained. After the area has completely burned away, you can either leave the hole or find another piece of cloth to stitch over the hole. The latter method is very useful if you get stains on two items of clothing, as you can use the remains of both to make something brand new!

How can I know if it's going to rain today?

[Mr EliteL]

Grab a piece of silver, preferably long. Go outside and climb the nearest tree, if there is no tree then the top of your house/building you are in. Once you have reached the top, raise your hand with the silver into the air and hold that position for an hour. If you notice any change in the weather, climb back down. If not, you may remain up there if you need more clarification. If you are struck by lightning that is OK - it is the fastest way down. Then you may run back inside.

How do I open a parachute?

[WR91]

How do I open a parachute?

You wait until your about 10 to 20 feet from the ground and then take your pack with the parachute in it off and throw it at the ground. You should be good to go after that.

How to I brush my teeth?

[Moonface]

Take a paintbrush, dip it in white paint, and then brush your teeth with it. Guaranteed whites all the time!

How do I get to work in the morning which is a twenty minute drive away?

[ShiraNoMai]

If flying is 2x faster than driving, then clearly you just attach wings to your back and get yourself 10 extra minutes of sleep in the morning. A win-win, or is a it a wing-wing?

How do I grow my own farm?

[Moonface]

You have to get the seed of a farmer and plant it in the ground until it sprouts into a farm. Putting it into a woman is what makes a farmer instead.

How do I incorrectly feed my cat?