How Are You Doing?

[Moonface]

Today (September 10) marks National Suicide Prevention Day, and while I hope nobody here has any feelings of suicide I thought since the day is about awareness and checking in on people to see how they're doing, I wanted to just make this thread to just see and ask how everyone is doing in and of themselves mentally at the moment, whether good or bad.

[ShiraNoMai]

I'm feeling pretty good today!

[Maniakkid25]

The diplomatic answer is "Things are a bit rough lately, but I think I'm doing okay."

The fact that I point out its the diplomatic answer should tell you where this is going.

If I'm being honest with myself, it is a struggle. I really take it day by day. I'm nearing 30, I'm in a job that pays s***, I live with my parents, and I've screwed my own prospects so royally that this is probably the rest of my life, and my father breathing down my neck every 5 seconds about trying to improve it is not f***ing helping. Some days, I want to do it out of spite. Other days, its out of despair. But the fact is that I'm so constantly teetering on the brink that I've promised myself I would never own a firearm, because I know I am one bad day away from having a snack of lead at bedtime.

So why am I dumping this out here like this for all the world to see?

Well, on a day like "Suicide Prevention Day", seems like as good a time as any. But also to show to other people this: people will listen. If you feel the way I do, talk to someone. It doesn't matter who, just talk. And if someone reaches out to you, be willing to listen. It is a struggle, but you have to keep struggling. We are ALL struggling, so we need to struggle together.

As for me? I just take it day by day. I'm making it so far, and I still have a few things that are worth sticking around for. So don't worry; I'll be here for the foreseeable future.

[Mr EliteL]

Yeesh that is rough, Maniak. I'm sort of in a similar situation in that I've now into my 30's and not living without family, as I do not want to be lumbered with either of my parents or sister, they're OK folk, but damn it would just be so good to have a place to myself. Right now that's only my bedroom which is really small. We're thinking of paying off the mortgage so that'll be a start although no plans for moving forward as cost of living has gone up and frick trying to get a place for my own for the moment. I didn't have enough before the mortgage I had to save my mum from (paying off dad's side of our house), doubt I have now even if I got back the money I paid in. I know this house is still the "best" place and have been advised to avoid an apartment or something of the like for the negatives they have.

Also absolutely fuck my job, mainly for the fools who run it and stupid tendencies fellow colleagues have to the point I feel I'm the only one who does shit properly. To hell moving up there too, and don't have anywhere better to go to. Also not doing any art or barely doing any weightlifting is a bummer. Yeah I got to sort my life out, I know. Still got things I want to live for though, so no not having them thoughts.

[Frank]

I can totally relate. I'm pushing into my 30s as well, have been out of work for almost 2 years, and have been struggling with a lot of personal issues as of late. To be honest though, hitting a low-point was what encouraged me to start up my YouTube channel again. That has sorta been my distraction away from reality. xD

[queenzelda]

With my whole cancer diagnosis and remission I've just been trying to get back to 'normal' since I lost a ton of weight since I wasn't eating for a year. I lost down to 150 lbs and the nurses/doctor told me I needed to gain some weight back because I looked terribly gaunt other wise. ._. I gained some weight back and have been healing since. I'm just dealing with trolls and it's not fun, both think I hate them and I do not. There is only one person I loathe and they are not a member on any forum I'm on nor in the streaming community I'm in. If anything they are just annoying puppies trying to get my attention.

One community with a person who I know hates me: I have left from. I only return to from time to time. Why? Because I hate myself, and to have some one hate me worse then I hate myself is something I can't deal with right now so don't expect to see me around much. I also know this other guy who trolls me is only trolling cause he's bored and sexist. <_< So I've just decided to ignore them and call them 'sir' as they do not deserve any of my attention.

I was watching Bennet the Sage and he talk about how he understands about self loathing, and I understand a LOT OF what he's saying.


Because I know I suck, I suck all the ass. Or.. At least I think that way. Because I HATE MYSELF. I hate myself so much I think I should have died when I was put under for surgery to get out the tumors I had. It's THAT BAD. So I've been pulling back from a lot of places I used to be active at because of my self loathing. While looking into getting help. 

I want you all to know I have not hurt myself, nor will I ever. Anyway, I'm off. I'll try not to hate myself so much because of others but sometimes it's hard to do when there be trolls out there.

[Kyng]

Sorry I didn't see this sooner!

Anyway, in answer to the question, I'm doing... sort of okay? Been feeling generally anxious about the future, but not about anything specific. And work looks like it's going to be pretty intense next week, as I have two software enhancements to code (in four days, as we all have tomorrow off for the Queen's funeral). But on the plus side, I did have a nice visit to Ludlow with my girlfriend last week... I'm so grateful that I have her in my life !

[ShiraNoMai]

It's good to hear from all of you. We all have unique struggles and deal with them in our own very specific ways. I'm sorry everyone has their own fair share of crap to deal with and I wish there was something I could do to help you all, cuz none of us deserve the things putting us down like this.

Just remember: every one of you matters and deserve great things.