Feelings on Your Extended/Distant Relatives?

[Moonface]

Do you ever see and/or keep in contact with any of your relatives that aren't the immediate family you live with? Are there any that you really enjoy interacting with (or did if they've sadly passed away)?

Just had this come to mind from being at a wedding later today where I'm gonna be seeing a lot of people from the families of the bride and groom being present.

For my side of the family, I rarely ever have anything to do with anyone except my immediate family. Not even just because of distance now due to being in another country but even when I still lined in England I very rarely had anything to do with them for years. I just never saw them much because all my extended/distant relatives all live far away from my parents place and if they ever did call I was never involved in the call. The only person I ever saw to any extent up until I left the country was my granddad on my mum's side since he was the only one who would visit us (not that it was necessarily the most welcome experience ).

[Dragon Lord]

Haven't had anything to do with any family other than my mother and sister for the least 15+ years. Can't say I miss any of them either, as most of the time I don't even think about them/forget they even exist.

No real reason for me not having anything to do with them other than none of them are worth spending my time on.

[Eric]

I grew up Roman Catholic and Latino, so big families and the extended family is a big part of my life. I would say my cousins are essentially one step removed from being brothers and sisters but other than that, our family dynamic is complicated nonetheless. I love them all but I do better for myself and my mental health when I visit them only on holidays.

[Moonface]

Can't say I miss any of them either, as most of the time I don't even think about them/forget they even exist.

Yeah, that's really anyone on my mum's side of the family but also even she isn't a big fan of her side of the family. We don't even know where any of them live (including her sisters) and only hear from them through her dad, so once he passes away I don't expect there to be any communication between us and her side of the family at all. I don't even know how we're supposed to inform anyone when he does pass away unless we find phone numbers written down in his house somewhere but for all I know he could have the numbers memorized or something.


What always gets me is how growing up everyone on my dad's side would see each other pretty often, and then that just weirdly fell away over time. Everyone went from having Christmas parties and family gatherings together to just suddenly only interacting once in a blue moon over a phone call, even for those who didn't move far away across the country. I've never understood why it happened since no one seems to have beef with each other; it's almost like some weird bystander apathy happened where nobody took the initiative to set things up and anyone who would is thinking someone else will do it, until enough time passed it all just felt too far gone to try anymore. But then that also just happened with people we knew who aren't family; people we knew well and talked to a lot just eventually stopped happening even if they literally lived across the street. I even had a professor once a few years back who commented on how nobody even knows who lives next door to them anymore whereas back in the day a whole street of people would likely know each other and stuff.


@Eric: I'm not really familiar with what gatherings can be like for those particular groups, but your last sentence makes me figure it can be just a lot to handle on a regular basis?

[Mr EliteL]

I have/had regular contact with my immediate family, both sets of grandparents and step grandfather, an aunt (dad's side) and a step uncle (mum's side) which were all relatively good terms. My mum also had a brother who didn't visit us, she visited him though. There are more about but I'm usually bad at social interactions anyway and the one time we did have a gathering in like mid-late 2000's that wasn't a funeral was pretty much the only time I'd see them in recent memory. May have had contact with them when I was a baby but I sure can't remember what I experienced back then. My aunt though, she tended to be OK but over time it became evident she was stealing, usually petty things but there was the odd actual substantial item, but didn't get caught, well not sent to prison kind. I knew of the petty things but others I didn't until much much later, which soured my opinion of her. After she became ill and passed though I chose to remember her of the good times back when her parents were still alive.

Not that many left now that isn't my immediate family though, well there are cousins and distant cousins, but I don't have any contact with them so I don't feel anything really. Apart from my brother's wife's side which were newly added to our family tree, at the moment they're in good terms too but seldom contact at the moment but that's fine for now, and won't mind if they choose not to include me in...whatever, so slight indifference but know they're good people.

[Moonface]

Reading EL's post and seeing him mention aunts reminds me of some ex-aunts of mine. Two of my uncles have both had multiple partners, and although I don't think any of them got married to any of the ones they eventually parted ways with I still view those women as aunts (or did until they split up from the respective uncle and then we never heard from them again). One of them was really fun as a person and it sucks that we lost touch with her although given how the rest of the family connections have gone it would've probably fizzled out eventually anyway like those all did.
The other two I recall were both with the other uncle (not at the same time) and while I didn't dislike them they were a bit....odd? One of them had this big thing about cleanliness where she refused to let my uncle into the house with anything on his person until she had cleaned it all at the front door (and I do mean anything), which eventually escalated to her not letting him in unless he changed clothes and washed himself outside so that he didn't bring any dirt on his person inside, which unsurprisingly was the straw that broke that camels back.

No idea if either of those uncles have partners now or not, but yeah, just got reminded about them.

Anyone else have people that were part of the family in that sense where contact broke off when they weren't a family tree member anymore?

[Karo]

Really only my aunt and sometimes my cousin and uncle, but the rest of the extended family I don't think I have ever meet especially on my Dad's side.

[Moonface]

Really only my aunt and sometimes my cousin and uncle, but the rest of the extended family I don't think I have ever meet especially on my Dad's side.

Oh wow you've just straight up never met them?! Do they just live too far away or something?

[Karo]

Well I knew my mom's parents, but they died and my Dad's mom died shortly after I was born and when I was born my parents and sibling have moved to Florida so I never met them.

[ShiraNoMai]

Really only my aunt and sometimes my cousin and uncle, but the rest of the extended family I don't think I have ever meet especially on my Dad's side.

Oh wow you've just straight up never met them?! Do they just live too far away or something?

I mean, there's my entire Dad's side of the family that just straight up lives in Colombia, a country I've never once visited lmao 

Of those relatives, I've met my grandmother (grandfather had passed quite a few years before I was born), and two aunts and two uncles, a handful of cousins (most of them met exactly one time in my life). It's apparently quite a large family though. Oh well.

[Moonface]

Well I knew my mom's parents, but they died and my Dad's mom died shortly after I was born and when I was born my parents and sibling have moved to Florida so I never met them.

Do any of them keep in touch with any of the relatives that are in other states or not really? I'm also guessing things like Thanksgiving is just basically the four of you all the time?

Really only my aunt and sometimes my cousin and uncle, but the rest of the extended family I don't think I have ever meet especially on my Dad's side.

Oh wow you've just straight up never met them?! Do they just live too far away or something?

I mean, there's my entire Dad's side of the family that just straight up lives in Colombia, a country I've never once visited lmao 

Of those relatives, I've met my grandmother (grandfather had passed quite a few years before I was born), and two aunts and two uncles, a handful of cousins (most of them met exactly one time in my life). It's apparently quite a large family though. Oh well.

True, but Karo seems to be saying she's met no one on either side of her family which I wasn't expecting to see anyone say in here. XD
If your dad was the only one who left Colombia for the US I'm a little surprised that for a family that big he was the only person to do it. Then again, I don't know if he left because of the conditions there or if it was just something he found appealing to do, similar to myself leaving the UK for the US despite having no issues with the UK that would make me leave it (at least when I left).

[ShiraNoMai]

Yeah I never really got to ask. I suppose I could ask my mother, she may know the answer to that.

There was an aunt that came to live in the States, but she became estranged to us when she apparently tried to steal my mom's identity??? Last I heard she was in Chicago so

[Monocle]

Personally? depends on how far away on the family tree.

Aunts, uncles, and cousins? Sure. Aside from the ones in Dr.

Further than that? hard pass for me. All four of my grandparents are gone so there's that. but I know nothing about them and have no urge to find out. I'm already the black sheep so this is all fine.

[Moonface]

Aunts, uncles, and cousins? Sure. Aside from the ones in Dr.

Further than that? hard pass for me. All four of my grandparents are gone so there's that. but I know nothing about them and have no urge to find out. I'm already the black sheep so this is all fine.

I feel like it should be obvious but what does "the ones in Dr." mean? My mind can't see Dr. as anything other than doctor nor can I think of what place that might be referring to.

Also, aww at the black sheep thing. I can't relate fully myself but I have seen that sort of stuff first hand with how my mum was treated by her parents and siblings. Some of the stuff I've heard from my parents about that stuff makes me question how the hell they didn't cut contact the second they got married.

[Monocle]

I feel like it should be obvious but what does "the ones in Dr." mean? My mind can't see Dr. as anything other than doctor nor can I think of what place that might be referring to.

Also, aww at the black sheep thing. I can't relate fully myself but I have seen that sort of stuff first hand with how my mum was treated by her parents and siblings. Some of the stuff I've heard from my parents about that stuff makes me question how the hell they didn't cut contact the second they got married.

oh lmao. Dominican Republic. I'm Dominican-Puerto Rican. Most of my mother's family is still on the island. My father's side he cut off himself. Complicated nonsense but my paternal grandmother was a raging bitch. 

I did cut everyone off for years but my kids didn't have any family and I don't think it's my cousins' faults or their kids. So I've been trying to reconnect for the sake of my own kids.