How Do I (Incorrectly)...?

[Mr EliteL]

Wait, so....

You capture a live mouse, bird, fish or rabbit, place it in a room with your cat with no possible escape, close the door. Wait for noise if any to stop. Your cat is now fed.

How do I play a piano?

[Moonface]

Open the lid and jump up and down on the strings connected to the keys like a trampoline.

How do I incorrectly make toast?

[Kyng]

Toast is quite crunchy, so you need to take a slice of bread and cover it in Crunchie bars.

How do I incorrectly change the tyres on my car?

[Mr EliteL]

This is a delicate procedure, for it is like removing a hand from a human. You need to flip the car over on it's back so it is now in a comfortable position. Numb the wheel with alcohol then carefully grip the old tyre, dislodge with a hammer and tear apart with a chainsaw. Replace with new tyre.

How do I gain weight?

[ShiraNoMai]

Visit your local gym and locate the pyramid of dumbbells near some benches. Pick as many up as you want and then promptly leave the gym. Congrats! You've gained some weights!

How do I save/preserve gas when there's a gasoline shortage?

[Moonface]

Hire some children to push your car to where you need to go. Ideally, make it so the last leg of your trip requires you to go down a hill, so that you can use that to gain momentum and then use a little gas to maintain your speed and get away from the kids without having to ever pay them. Bonus is that they likely won't know the way home and will never be able to find you when you return home.

How do I know if someone is vaccinated?

[Kyng]

Perform the vaccination yourself. Then you will know for sure that they are vaccinated.

How do I make sure I'll never be late for my train?

[Moonface]

Just stay on the train forever. That way you'll always be at every station when the train comes.

How do I charge my phone?

[ShiraNoMai]

Ask it for $5.

How do I feel younger?

[Moonface]

Go to a retirement home for elderly people, and challenge them to do things that you can do better because of your younger age. Seeing them all fail at various tasks will let you feel younger.

How do I decide whether to tip my server at a restaurant?